wait a minute...........what?

I am rolling around in my own vomit.
Waiting until the last moment of vacation to get work done is no fun. no fun at all.
paintings thrown there, drawings there, wire up my ass, and cardboard in my mouth.

a weird/fun kinda okay story that happened to me yestermorning
my dog scared the poop out of me. my family are not good pet owners at all. our dog is only allowed downstairs and is rarely paid any attention too mostly becuase he is so old now and just sleeps. today though, i was home alone, my mom had just left to go off and do mom things and I hear banging. eek, i didnt like that, but i kept listening, because no one gets up to see the thing that made an unknown noise, they just keep listening for more unknown noises to make sure they arent crazy and lets face it, we love being scared. i heard him crying along with the bangs. dodger (the dog) never cries. i let him up becuase i didnt know what to do it was like a someone all of a sudden growing wings or a blind person seeing, really, this dog does NOTHING so him moving was kind of awesome and strange. he came walking up the stairs when i let him out of his dwelling and started sniffing everywhere frantically, going in my room, in coreys room, then the bathroom and he just sat. ? I looked at him and he looked at me. "why are you sitting in the bathroom" i called him out... he didnt move. then i remembered. when he was a puppy i used to play the "cheese game" I would put him in the bathroom and hide cheese all around the house then i would open the bathroom door and he went nuts and used his nose to find ever last peice. it was a frocking fabulous game. great to watch. the other 5 people in my house dont know about the cheese game. I have a feeling he just sort of woke up downstairs, knew that i was the only one home and had this urge to find cheese. we havent played for a while, like i said, dodger is going out the door. It made me smile. we played the cheese game.


reading over these past few entries i talk a lot of cancer
a few weeks ago I thought I was in trouble again then I had three more ultrasounds and for now are telling me I am okay.
Did you know that you must be cancer free for five years until you can say you are cured?

My good friend's father who I barely knew but my heart empathized for for a long while died from testicular cancer last week. He had stopped chemo a while ago becuase it wasnt going to do anything. He was just sitting there letting little tumors invade his body until they took over and he could no longer function.
It was my first wake I had ever been to. My first dead body I had ever seen. I wanted to hug him.
my mom said after, "he looked dead."
"yes, but he has looked like that for a while, he still looked living to me. I wanted to touch him."
mom, "oh."

I found a new friend named chelsie from derry who is 16 and was diagnosed with bone cancer. I think I will live for the rest of my life making paintings and finding cancer buddies to latch onto.
I'm still not sure who I do it for and I semi hope I grow out of it.

ENOUGH OF THE C***** SHIT GOD DAMNIT . art.

I have admirers ,some of my paintings some of my looks some of my personality(which is very flawed, meh the other two things are okay). I have problems when people admire me. I like it and I absolutely hate it. Sometimes I get creeped out a lot, I will learn to deal with that in time I suppose.
People tell me I am awesome therefor I beleive I am awesome. I am sorry if I come off as being a self loving crazy.

Today I stayed over my nonnis and I think we are not the family we used to be. My immediate family is super duper close and i think that has austracized(sp?) us from the rest of them.

last night I went to a Fighting Naked show (HUMANWINE only differnnnnt) and I drew this deformed looking little world while listening to ambient rock. I needed it.
Dancing to that irish shit was a bucket full of awesome.
I'm glad I was invited... I still dont know about some people. I decided with a friend(one of my very very few) that I jsut don't do splendidly well with people my age. I am good with young kids and I am awesome with adults.
People my own age especially girls are funny around me. that may be becuase i am funny around them though and they are just returning it where it is due.


chalk art this summer is going. to be. the. bomb diggity.
oh and sidewalk sam (an old man artist guy) isn't as bad of a person as I thought and he has money to spend on art and a hugemoungous heart sooooo we like him. I am going to do a circus at children's hostpital with his help hopefully and posotive picket boston to death and maybe set up a burning man type thing(says sidwalk sam who has never been to burning man i dont think) ....this summer I am basically spreading art around the community instead of for myself or in some gallery locked up.

excited for next tuesday dance craziness with maizie while listening to the english beat with maizie at the middle east... yes.
I need to go clean up white paint.